Living Abroad: The Unexpected Journey to Finding Belonging at 50

Moving abroad can feel like one big adventure. But for Madeleine Collins, it became a journey of self-discovery that took her halfway around the globe, eventually landing her in San Diego. Her story is about more than just relocating. it's about the search for belonging and how unexpected connections can reshape our lives.

The Long Road to San Diego

At 22, Madeleine Collins was on the move. London was home, but after her mother's death, she needed a way out. Australia was her first stop, despite not wanting to go at all. Maybe it was the grief she was running from or the pursuit of a life packed with purpose. Either way, her journey turned out to be much longer than she anticipated.

Over the next 15 years, she relocated from Australia to Los Angeles, then back to Sydney and over to Dubai. Each city offered new experiences and adventures, from acting pursuits to explorations through India and Africa. But deep down, Madeleine knew the big life she was chasing was a way to avoid facing the sadness that lingered from losing her mother.

There were also personal shifts along the way. Her time in different countries shaped her friendships, especially with local women, though Dubai proved to be a challenge in forming these bonds due to cultural barriers. These friendships, often formed through shared living spaces, provided a kind of family far from home.

Motherhood and Its Challenges

Everything changed again when motherhood entered the picture. Madeleine met her husband in South Africa, and they eventually moved to San Diego with their daughter in 2009. Suddenly, the fears of the unknown set in. The spontaneous adventures of her youth were replaced by day-to-day routines filled with errands and the exhaustion of parenting.

Joining local mom groups revealed just how different her world had become. Language differences aside, where a stroller replaced a pram, Madeleine felt the true disconnect when she realized she lacked the familial support many American moms had nearby. The absence of that support network left her feeling like an outsider.

Seeking familiarity, Madeleine found comfort among British expats. Yet, as time passed, she realized that the tight-knit community she sought for solace was becoming a bubble she didn't want to remain in. Her life, once defined by embracing cultural differences, had shifted to craving the familiar.

Reconnecting at 50

In her 50s, Madeleine's perspective shifted once more. Her English friends in San Diego, mostly younger than her, couldn't relate to some of the life stages she was entering. Menopause wasn't a common dinner conversation among them, prompting her to seek out new connections.

Enter the neighborhood book club. Made up entirely of American women, the group became a new source of community. They discussed books, but more importantly, they shared personal stories about aging, parenting, and life challenges. It was a space where Madeleine found her sense of belonging in a new way.

These friendships taught Madeleine that true belonging isn't about shared accents or backgrounds. It's about the shared moments and challenges of life. And while the thought of returning to England still crosses her mind, the sense of home she's found in San Diego has grown stronger.

So, what does this tell us about the nature of finding home and belonging? It's not just physical place or cultural sameness. It's the shared experiences and the willingness to open up to others, even in unexpected places.